


Hold On For Me

by lilbluednacer



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Divergence, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Post 3.20, Recreational Drug Use, Reposted from FF.net, Roy-centric, minor original characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2020-02-28 15:33:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18759283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilbluednacer/pseuds/lilbluednacer
Summary: Roy doesn’t live in Starling City anymore but he still sees Thea everywhere.





	Hold On For Me

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve occasionally been re-posting some of my older fics from ff.net up on here, here’s another one. Enjoy!

At first, when he meets her, he thinks, this a girl you fuck for sport.

Because she's beautiful, and vain and self-important, and he thinks she's the kind of girl he could have one incredible night with and then never see again.

But then she keeps showing up for some reason, and he starts to see something else. A spark.

She's mouthy and tough and in pain. She makes him feel things again.

For so long his life was about being strong. How tough could he get, how hard.

He did what he had to survive, and life was simple.

And then Roy made the mistake of stealing from Thea Queen.

*

The night he leaves Starling City he doesn't say goodbye to Thea.

It's for the best. If he tried to say goodbye to Thea he wouldn't be able to make himself leave. And he has to leave.

For Oliver. For everything they've worked for together.

He does it, he leaves, in a shiny car with a shiny new identity.

It hits him eighty miles outside Starling that he's leaving, and he's not coming back. He's never going to see them again.

He's never going to see Thea again.

Roy pulls the car over to the shoulder and throws up over the metal railing of the highway. When he's done he screams and curses God and Ra's and Lance and even fucking Oliver Queen.

When he has nothing left he gets back in the car.

He drives.

*

The GPS in the car is pre-programmed, and eventually Roy ends up at his destination. It's a strange apartment building in a strange city.

The doorman recognizes his (fake) ID and gives him a key to his new apartment (his new life).

It's simple, a one bedroom, sparsely furnished. Still, it's nicer than his place in the Glades by a mile.

In the living room, in the middle of a sleek black coffee table, is a brand new just-out-of-box bright and shining MacBook. On the table next to it is a sheet of paper, written in Felicity's girly scrawl, that gives him the wifi account name and password. And underneath, brief instructions.

He logs onto the internet via the (surely impenetrable) wifi and creates a new email address - redhoodie@gmail.com. He opens a blank e-mail and addresses it to HisGirlWednesday@gmail.com. He leaves the subject blank; in the body he only types two words.

Thank you.

He immediately deactivates the account but for some reason he can't bring himself to get rid of the paper.

He wanders around the apartment and explores his new space, which takes all of four minutes. His hands itch for a phone. What he would give right now, to hear her voice one more time.

Eventually he ends up in bed, for lack of anything else to do.

He sleeps.

*

He gets a job.

He doesn't have to. Felicity has given him plenty of seed money (he wonders whose money. It's not Oliver's, or Thea's). But whomever it came from, there's tons of it.

Roy gets a job because he finds himself both restless and incredibly isolated. He goes whole days without talking to anyone. He wakes up alone and goes to bed alone.

Every person he's ever talked to is gone. And then he has to remind himself that they're all alive, back in Starling. He's the one who's gone, who will be forgotten while everyone else moves on.

Roy feels like he's turning into a ghost.

He can sense a depression coming, a big black wave looming on the horizon. He decides he needs to get out, needs to be around people before he loses it. He needs to work.

The job, ironically, is at a club named Penance.

Seriously. Penance.

It's a shitty job, bar backing. It's all manual labor and crappy tips, but it's work, and it gives him something to do. A reason to get out of bed in the morning (or afternoon, whatever, the point is, he gets up) is enough for him, right now.

Then one night a fight breaks out on the dance floor, three huge drunk dudes brawling. Roy breaks it up in seconds, without anyone getting seriously injured.

His boss promotes him to security immediately.

The worst part is, after the last guy goes down, he automatically turns to look to Oliver, to see the proud papa bear look on his face.

It comes on in a wave of hot infantile shame (he's pathetic, always has to look to Oliver for approval) and a horrible wave of grief (Oliver's gone, they're all gone) all at once.

He does his best to shut it down. He doesn't drink much, doesn't fight. He stays away from girls.

He lives like a fucking monk compared to his old life. It makes him feel marginally better, the idea that he might be able to attain some sense of enlightenment at the end.

That makes him laugh, wondering what Thea would think of him becoming a Buddhist.

*

He sees Thea everywhere. On the sidewalk, in the club. Snooty rich girls with designer handbags, party girls in crop tops and micro minis.

Once he sees Thea's face, Thea's actual face, in some trashy tabloid (he forgets sometimes, that Thea is famous in some weird nebulous way just because she used to be billionaire) when he's waiting in line at the drug store.

Roy gets sweaty and hot, and when no one's looking he rips the page out and shoves it in his pocket.

He keeps it under his pillow like a pervert.

Once he follows a girl for three blocks, trying to work up the nerve to confront her, because he's sure she is Thea. He just knows it.

It's not until he's caught up with her that Roy realizes he's mistaken. Her hair is not truly brown but honey-toned, and her skin is more olive than peach.

"Excuse me," the girl suddenly says, whirling around to face him. "Can I help you?"

She looks seriously annoyed and now that he's looking at her face he can't understand how he could ever confuse this girl for Thea.

He followed this girl for three fucking blocks like a fucking psycho.

"I'm sorry," he stutters. "I thought...I thought you were someone else."

His voice shakes and the look on her face softens.

"It's alright," she says.

"Really, I'm so sorry."

"It's fine," she says gently. "Are you okay?"

He gives her a tight smile. "I'm fine. Really, I'm sorry. Have a nice day."

He pulls his hood up and walks away, ignoring her faint cry to wait.

Roy makes it two blocks before he starts to cry.

*

One night he's closing the bar with Britt, one of the bartenders (dirty blond hair, pouty lips, nice tits, does absolutely nothing for him. No girl does, anymore).

Britt's putting away glasses when she says casually, "You know, there are some crazy rumors about you."

"Oh yeah?" he says, leaning against the bar.

She gives him a flirty smile that reminds him painfully of Thea. "Well, you're working the whole mysterious thing. People are gonna talk."

He can't help it. He's curious. "What are people saying?"

Britt shrugs. "That you're an ex-con. Or back from war. CIA. Ainsley swears that you're an assassin."

"Assassin?" he asks faintly.

Britt laughs. "Ainsley's a moron. Like, assassin, really? And I'm the tooth fairy."

Roy laughs until he cries, deep ugly sobs that he has to fake a coughing fit to cover up because-well. Assassins.

*

One night he gets home and a girl who is the spitting image of Thea is sitting on the couch in the lobby.

She has skinny legs in tight jeans crossed under her. A brown bob framing a bowed head, bent over an iPhone. She even has the same phone case as Thea.

She looks up at the sound of the door closing behind him and he freezes.

"Oh my god," she breathes. "It is you."

He's drowning, or dying, he's not sure which. All he knows is, this isn't happening.

How is this happening?

"Thea?"

*

"What are you doing here?" he asks, when she's safely inside his apartment and sitting on his couch. "How did you find me?"

He can't believe it. Thea, here, in his lonely little apartment, sitting regally on his leather couch as if it's not strange at all.

"I went through Felicity's stuff. It took me a while - she's so paranoid - but eventually, I found you."

"You didn't."

"They wouldn't tell me anything about you!" Thea wails. "Every time I asked about you they'd clam up or Felicity would start crying. I had to snoop."

Something cold wraps around the base of his neck, and it takes Roy a second to realize that what he's feeling is fear, some sixth sense tickling him, whispering something is not right.

"What do you mean, they wouldn't tell you anything about me?" Why wouldn't they tell her?

"Well, I found this." Thea holds out her phone to him. She has a picture up, of the two of them. They're messing around in bed, his nose pressed against her cheek and her eyes shut mid-laugh.

"And I showed Felicity, and she like, freaked out, and got all weird, and I was like, well I think it's pretty weird that my phone is full of pictures of this hot guy no one wants to tell me about!"

"Thea," he says slowly, "what's going on?"

"I figured it out," she says proudly. "You were my boyfriend. Not anymore, obviously, because you live here now. But before, right?"

"Thea," he says, feeling sick, "what's wrong with you?"

"Oh," she says, and lets out a nervous laugh. "I forgot. You wouldn't know. Something happened to me, after you left I guess."

"What are you talking about?"

"I don't really know. It's all fuzzy, in my head. They did something to me. I'm not sure what, but I came back different. I came back wrong," she says sadly.

"Wrong?"

"There's something wrong with my head," she explains. "I get confused sometimes. I forget things. Some memories are really clear but others are all blurry. Dad says it'll get better eventually, but..." She shrugs. "I don't know."

He stares at her, this girl who looks like Thea and sounds like Thea but is so not Thea.

"You mean Malcolm?"

"Yeah," she says, giving him a strange look. "My dad."

Roy stands up, his hands clenching into fists. This isn't right. This isn't right. Where is Oliver in all this? How could he have let this happen?

"I'm hungry," Thea announces, standing up too. "I want dinner."

He wants to laugh and he wants to cry, but mostly he wants to shake her, scream at her until she comes back.

"Okay," he sighs. "Let's go eat."

"Can we eat out somewhere?" she asks hopefully.

"Well I don't really have anything to make here," he admits.

"Yay," she says happily. "I love restaurants."

Thea steps close to him, clasps his hand like a little kid looking for reassurance. "You're happy to see me, right?"

"Yeah," he says, even though all he wants to do is pull her down on the floor and cry his eyes out. "Of course."

*

He takes her to a little hole in the wall Japanese place. When they were dating Thea was a sushi fiend, they'd get take out from Starling Sushi at least once a week.

"What's wrong?" Roy asks, when he sees Thea frowning down at the menu. "You love sushi."

She gives him a helpless smile. "I can't remember what I like."

He reaches across the table and covers her hand with his. "Don't worry, I got this."

When their waitress comes he orders a dragon roll, two spicy tuna rolls, edamame and a side of miso soup for Thea.

"I'm guessing we've done this before," Thea says wryly.

"Yeah," he says, one hand absentmindedly rubbing his chest like he's trying to stave off a heart attack. "You could say that."

"What do you do here?" she asks, which is better than the question, why are you here.

"I work at a club."

The wrinkles her nose. "I don't understand. Starling has clubs. Why don't you work at one of those?"

"It's complicated," he says, and Thea must be used to that response because she nods enthusiastically.

"Felicity says everything is complicated."

Felicity. Roy feels a sudden sharp pain at the sound of her name, and he chuckles weakly.

"She's probably right."

"My mom died," Thea says conversationally.

Roy puts down his chopsticks. "Yeah, um...I know."

"Oh," she says, looking a little embarrassed, which quickly turns to quizzical. "Do you know how? I asked my dad but he got really upset and wouldn't tell me. I don't think Felicity would either."

Roy frowns. "Yeah, she um...someone killed her."

"Oh," Thea says, looking surprised. "Why?"

"I don't know," he lies.

"That's sad," Thea says vaguely.

"Yeah," he says, desperate for a subject change. "So how's Oliver?"

"Gone," Thea says casually, stabbing at a tuna roll.

He stares. "What do you mean, gone?"

Thea shrugs. "After they did...what they did to me...I woke up and he was gone."

"Thea," he says, blinking hard to keep everything in focus. "Where is he?"

"I don't know. He's just gone."

Gone. Everything blurs together, one loud buzz in his ears, and Roy finds his feet carrying him outside the little sushi joint, where he collapses against the wall.

No. This isn't happening. Oliver can't be gone. This is the reason why Roy is here, in exile. So Oliver could stay in Starling.

"I paid the check," he hears Thea say, coming out of the restaurant. "Are you okay?"

"I just needed some air," he says, surreptitiously wiping his face on his sleeve.

"I upset you." Thea wrings her hands. "I'm always doing that. I say the wrong thing, or I forget something. I'm really sorry."

"Hey." He reaches for her and to his surprise she wraps her arms around his waist. "You have nothing to be sorry for, okay?"

Thea nods and rests her head on his chest. "I bet you were a good boyfriend."

He exhales sharply, one hand coming down to cup the back of her head. "Not all the time."

Thea looks up at him with those piercing eyes. "No," she says simply. "You were."

"How do you know that? If you can't remember."

Thea shrugs. "Some things you just know."

*

She sleeps in his bed that night, while he sleeps on the couch in the living room.

Except he doesn't sleep, he lays on the couch and stares at the ceiling, thinking about that girl, that incredibly beautiful, lost, broken girl in the next room. He's lost in a daydream, half asleep, when he hears her scream.

She's twisted up in the blankets, eyes shut tight, kicking out at some imaginary enemy.

"Thea!" he shouts, leaping up on the bed to shake her. "Thea, wake up."

She gasps, eyes flying open, head whipping around.

"Roy?" she cries tremulously.

"It's me," he assures her. "I'm right here."

Thea sobs, covering her mouth with one slim hand. "Roy, I'm scared."

He puts his arms around her, holding her against his chest. "It's okay, Thea. I'm here. You don't have to be afraid anymore."

She look at him with wide eyes, and to his surprise she reaches out to cup his cheek.

"You love me," she states softly.

"Yes," he says, voice breaking. "Very much."

Thea frowns. "Then why did you leave?"

"I had to. I'm sorry. I didn't have a choice."

"I don't understand."

"I know. One day I'll be able to explain it better."

She leans into him, lets him rock her in his arms like a child.

"Thea," he says. "What did they do to you?"

"I don't remember," she says softly. "When I try it's just this big fuzzy blank spot. I think maybe...I died? I know that doesn't make any sense. But something happened. Nyssa told Laurel they should have let me die."

"Nyssa said what?"

Thea looks at him in surprise. "You know Nyssa?"

"We've met."

"I don't know why she would say that. It's not very nice," Thea sniffs.

"Nyssa's messed up. I wouldn't take it personally."

"I don't think she likes me very much."

"Nyssa's still in Starling?"

"Yeah," Thea says. "She works with Felicity and Dig."

"Doing what?"

Thea yawns. "Dunno. No one tells me anything."

"You sleepy?"

"Hmm." Thea snuggles up against him and his body is dying for more, to kiss her, to bury his cock inside her and worship at her feet, beg for her forgiveness.

He rubs her back until she falls asleep.

When her breathing evens out Roy pulls away carefully and gets out of bed. He slips her phone out of her purse and creeps to the bathroom with it.

When he dials Oliver's number there's an obnoxious beep and a cool female voice in his ear informing him that the number he is trying to reach has been disconnected.

He hangs up, overwhelmed with a feeling of...what? Loss, betrayal, total unmitigated panic.

The next number he dials rings twice before he hears her voice on the other end.

"Hi," Roy says. "It's me."

*

In the morning he takes Thea out for breakfast. She orders blueberry pancakes and eats with gusto, chatting happily. He can't eat anything, his stomach in knots. He pounds three cups of coffee in quick succession.

"What's wrong?" Thea asks, latching onto his hand. "You look sad."

"No," he says quickly. "It's just strange, having you here."

"Didn't you miss me?" she inquires, that sharp wrinkle appearing between her eyebrows.

He squeezes her hand. "You have no idea how much I missed you."

He takes her to the zoo. It's a dumb idea, but when he mentions it Thea lights up, so they go. Thea swings from his arm like a little kid, dragging him from exhibit to exhibit.

"Look!" she says excitedly, pointing to the petting zoo. "Can we?"

The idea of Thea Queen, losing it over a stupid baby lamb, makes his heart clench. Like glimpsing some alternative version of her, a girl with a simple life, one unmarred by tragedy after tragedy.

He takes a picture of her holding one of them, beaming, looking for all the world like a happy young woman on a date in the sunshine.

*

Dig and Felicity are waiting in his lobby when they get back from the zoo. He's not surprised (he called her after all) but that didn't prepare him for seeing them in the flesh, Dig's familiar broad shoulders and Felicity's golden hair.

When she sees them Felicity gives Thea a quick hug, muttering thank god under her breath, and then turns to Roy.

There's something about her, bright, beautiful, kind Felicity, that makes the knot loosen in Roy's chest. He's been gone for so long, alone, and he's not ready for the flood of feeling that comes back, of seeing someone who knows him, who remembers him.

It hits him like an arrow in the chest and Roy crumples, burying his face in Felicity's leather jacket, sobbing helpless tears.

"Shh," Felicity croons. "It's okay."

"See?" he hears Thea say sagely behind him. "You were sad."

They go up to his apartment. He can't get over how weird it is, seeing them here.

"Why are you here?" Thea asks, looking between Dig and Felicity. "What's going on?"

Felicity sighs. "We're here to bring you home."

Thea frowns. "I don't want to go home."

"Thea-"

"No!" Thea shouts. "I just got here."

"You're not supposed to be here at all," Dig says.

And then Roy witnesses Thea throw the most epic temper tantrum he's ever seen.

She cries. She begs, she pleads, and when that doesn't work she picks up Roy's laptop and hurls it at the wall.

"Thea!" Felicity exclaims.

"I hate you!" Thea shrieks, and picks up a water glass and chucks it at Felicity's head.

Felicity ducks, a look of shock on her face, and the glass hits the wall behind her.

"Thea!" Roy yells, pulling on her arm. "Stop!"

She bursts into tears, throwing her arms around him.

"Please," she cries. "Please don't let them take me away. I want to stay here with you. Don't let them take me."

"Shh," he whispers, glaring at Dig and Felicity. "It's okay."

Thea sobs, burying her face in his shoulder. "It's not okay."

He takes her to his room, sits down on the bed and holds her while she cries.

"I don't understand," Thea bawls. "Why can't I stay here with you?"

Roy pinches the bridge of his nose. "You just can't, okay?"

"But why? You love me, right?"

"Thea." He cups her face in his hands. Her perfect little face, blotchy and streaked with tears. It hurts to look at her. "Of course I love you, but that...that doesn't matter right now."

"How can it not matter?"

"It just doesn't."

Thea sobs, her hands covering her face. He holds her until she quiets, and when he looks down she's asleep in his arms.

He shuts the door quietly and goes back to the living room, where Felicity and Dig are seated on the couch in the middle of the mess Thea made.

Roy stands in front of them, crosses his arms across his chest. "I want to talk to Oliver."

Felicity makes a little noise and quickly covers her mouth.

"That's not possible," Dig says calmly.

"Why not?"

Dig and Felicity exchange a look, and he gives her a little nod.

"The night you left," Felicity says, "Ra's attacked Thea. He left her for dead. Oliver made a deal to save her life."

"What kind of deal?"

Felicity lifts her head to look at him and he is struck by the pain in her eyes. "He agreed to become the next Ra's in exchange for the use of the Lazarus pit to save Thea's life."

Roy's mouth drops open in horror. "He joined the league?"

Felicity nods tightly.

"So that's why Thea's acting so weird. The pit did something to her?"

"It...changed her," Felicity says haltingly. "We're still...working out the kinks."

"She's not a computer," Roy says angrily. "She's a person."

"We know that," Dig says.

"Leave her here with me," Roy implores.

Felicity winces. "We can't."

"Why not? You heard her, she wants to stay here."

"Roy," Felicity says, sounding frustrated. "Thea's not Thea anymore."

"Don't say that!"

"I'm saying that she's different. You have no idea how much work she is right now. This-" Felicity waves a hand at the mess, at the computer parts lying on the floor. "This isn't uncommon."

"Taking care of my girlfriend isn't work!"

"Look," Dig says, "we understand how hard this must be for you-"

"No," Roy interrupts. "You have no idea. How would you feel, if it was Lyla? Or you, Felicity, if it was Oliver?"

Felicity's eyes fill with tears and he slaps a hand over his mouth.

"I'm sorry," he sighs.

"Don't," she says faintly, "I understand."

"Look," Dig says. "Thea needs to leave to come back to Starling with us. She can't stay here, and you know it."

Roy hangs his head, defeated.

"Hey." Dig lays a large familiar hand on his shoulder. "It won't be forever."

Roy's head comes up. "What do you mean?"

Dig and Felicity share another little secret look.

"We're working on that," she finally says.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean come hell or high water, one way or another, we're getting him back. And when we do we'll figure something out with you and Thea, okay? I promise. But I need you to be patient. I need you to trust me."

Roy bites his lip, looks between the two people who put him here, the people that saved his life.

"Okay," he agrees.

Dig caries a sleeping Thea out to the black Escalade parked outside his building.

"I'm not saying goodbye this time," Felicity says, ruffling his hair affectionately. "I'll see you soon, okay?"

He nods, feeling it, that tightening in his chest.

"Hey," she says. "I mean it. No long faces, okay?"

"Yeah, okay."

He stands on the curb for a long time after they drive away.

A week later a new laptop mysteriously arrives for him. When he powers it up, to Roy's shock, he finds the desktop already customized, displaying a personal photo as the background.

Thea, laughing in the sunshine, a lamb in her arms.

*

It gets easier, with the promise of seeing them all eventually, some way, somehow.

He starts to work out again, using the gym in his building when he gets back from the club, in the middle of the night when no one else is there. He runs on the treadmill, lifts weights and boxes. His hands still itch for his bow but he breathes through it, goes another round against the dummy until he's exhausted.

Sometimes he lets Britt take him home after work. They smoke a little weed (something he never indulged in back in Starling, couldn't, always had to be on alert, ready to fight), and watch dumb movies. It's nice, in a weird kind of way. Like having a friend.

He still misses Thea, but it's different. Like a small hopeful flower bud in his chest instead of a bullet hole.

And then one night, six months later, he comes home from work and there she is, waiting in his lobby. Thea.

When she sees him she jumps up and comes running, flinging her arms around his neck.

"What are you doing here?" he gasps, his hands touching her hair, her waist, wrapping around her little wrists.

"I got a five day pass!"

"A what?"

"Five days!" she squeals. "Can you believe it?"

"Thea, what is going on?"

She smiles widely at him, a kind of peace in her eyes he hasn't seen in a long time.

"Ollie's home."

"What?"

Thea laughs, giddy. "We got him back, Roy. Ollie's back."

He starts to laugh too. How long has it been since good news like this?

"Thea, that's amazing!"

"You know," Thea says, a wicked little gleam in her eye. "I've been remembering something lately that's pretty amazing."

Her eyes catch his and he goes very still, captivated by her face.

"What?" he asks carefully. "What do you remember?"

"This," Thea breathes.

She kisses him.

*

Roy had no idea five days could pass so quickly. This time when she leaves he takes her to the train station, holds her hand until she has to board.

"Don't look at me like that," Thea says, seeing the way his face falls. "You'll see me sooner than you think."

"What do you mean?"

She grins and tweaks his cheek. "It's a surprise."

One more kiss, the squeeze of his hand, and she's gone, waving frantically from the window as the train pulls away.

Three days later he finds a plain white envelope in his mailbox. Inside there's a plane ticket, round trip, in his (fake) name to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, departing in one week. And scribbled on the inside of the envelope, so small he almost misses it: a green arrow.

At the airport he almost has a panic attack when he hands over his fake passport, but the agent just marks his ticket with a highlighter and waves him along. The plane ride is agony, hours of nervous tension, restless energy with no release.

They're waiting for him at the gate when he gets off the plane. Thea launches herself at him, holding him tightly and kissing his face. Felicity stands behind them and next to her, looking pale and exhausted but very much alive, Oliver.

When Thea releases him Oliver walks up. Roy's mouth opens but no words come out. What could he possibly say, now?

He just kind of collapses into Oliver, who holds him in a tight embrace, one hand cupping the back of his neck. Roy clutches Oliver's shirt, trying not to cry, wondering when he became such a baby.

They hug for a long time, way longer than what's normal for two straight men hugging in an airport, but Roy doesn't care. He holds onto Oliver (steady, dependable, Oliver, alive) and Oliver must not care either, because his arms are tight around Roy's body and he looks like he might cry too.

Eventually Oliver pulls back to look at Roy's face. "Okay?" he asks seriously.

Roy nods, swallowing thickly. "Yeah. You?"

Something in Oliver's face twists. "No." He turns back to look at Felicity. "But I will be."

*

They stay at a private villa with high walls across the street from the ocean. They're all kind of a mess. Oliver has clearly been through some fresh kind of hell. He's jumpy, triple checking the security feed Felicity set up every hour.

Felicity seems wiped out, a strained look on her face. She mothers them, making sure they eat and sleep. Only Thea seems oblivious to it all, lying by the pool in a little bikini, her skin turning golden brown.

The second morning after he gets there Oliver wakes him up early, tiptoeing into the room Roy is sharing with Thea.

"Hey," Oliver whispers. "I'm going for a run. Come with me."

They run on the beach, shirtless in the early morning sunshine. Roy is glad he kept up with training while he was gone, because somehow Oliver seems like he's in even better shape than the last time he saw him.

They run for an hour on the sand, until Roy's legs are screaming, then slow to a walk towards the villa.

"How are you?" Oliver asks. "Really."

Roy shrugs. "It's not so bad. It sucks being gone, but at least I have electricity. No crazy assassins after me."

"Good," Oliver says softly, looking out towards the water.

Roy wants to ask him about the league but thinks better of it.

"I'm proud of you," Oliver says out of nowhere.

"I didn't do anything."

Oliver shakes his head. "You sacrificed everything for me, and it was all for nothing. I don't take that lightly."

"What was I supposed to do, let you rot in prison?"

Oliver sighs. "It's not fair. I took your whole life."

"Hey," Roy says, grabbing Oliver's arm. "You saved my life. You didn't take anything from me."

"I took Thea away from you."

Roy shifts uncomfortably. "We did what we had to do. She understands that, right?"

Oliver frowns. "I can't tell what she understands."

"She seems better. Every time I see her, she seems better."

"I don't know," Oliver muses. "I guess, yeah. There are still a lot of holes in her memory."

"Maybe it's better this way."

"What do you mean?"

Roy shrugs. "Forgetting Slade? Maybe not the worst thing."

Oliver lets out a painful sounding laugh. "You might be right about that."

"So what's the plan?" Roy asks, because he can't help himself. "After this, I mean."

Oliver smiles tentatively at him. "I'm working on it."

"What does that mean?"

"It means I'm working on it."

*

The night before they leave Mexico he can't sleep. He lies in bed, Thea curled up against his chest, tears struggling to escape.

"Roy," Thea whispers. "Roy, what's wrong?"

"I don't think I can do this anymore," he says in a strangled voice.

Thea sits up to look at him. "What are you talking about?"

"It's just...I can't say goodbye to you again Thea. I can't do it."

"It won't be goodbye," she says calmly. "I'll see you again soon."

"When?" he asks desperately.

"I don't know. Whenever Ollie says it's safe."

"That's not good enough."

She frowns. "You're sad."

"Yeah, Thea, I'm fucking sad, okay?" he snaps.

"Okay," she whispers.

"Shit, I'm sorry. It's just that...look, you don't understand, okay? You don't remember everything. You don't know what it's like to wake up next to me every morning, to text all day long, to work together all night. You don't know. And now I have to go back and I'm gonna miss you, and it hurts. It hurts, Thea."

Thea crawls into his lap. "You think I don't miss you?"

He shrugs uncomfortably. "Not the same way I miss you, I guess."

"Roy."

"What?"

"I know I don't remember everything in my head, I know I don't have all the memories you do. But here?" Thea places a hand over her heart. "I remember everything."

He starts to cry, slow sad tears dripping down.

"Oh, Roy," she whispers. "You have no idea, do you?"

"Of what?" he sniffs.

"You're like, all I talk about!" Thea exclaims. "I ask Felicity and Ollie questions about you all the time. How we met, what we were like together. What your favorite food is. Why you always wear that red hoodie."

He laughs through his tears. "Yeah?"

She nods solemnly. "Of course. Although, no offense, but Arsenal is kind of a dumb name."

"You can thank your brother for that one."

Thea wraps her arms around his neck, presses up against him.

"I love you," she whispers. "I love you, I love you."

"Thea," he grits out, his hands clenching around the back of her shirt.

"Shh," she whispers. "Everything's going to be okay."

"How do you know?"

Thea smiles. "I just do."

*

At the airport Felicity kisses his cheek and Thea hangs on him for a long time, until he has to board. Oliver gives him a hug and grips his arm tightly.

"I need you to hold on for me," Oliver says. "Just for a little while longer."

"Okay," Roy nods.

Oliver grins. "Don't get too comfortable there, okay? And check your mailbox."

Roy smiles. "Every day."

*

Three months later Roy gets another ticket in the mail, to a city across the country. This time the ticket is a one-way.

He gets picked up at the airport by an Argus agent. They drive through the mountains for an hour, until they end up at a sprawling house on acres of land in the middle of nowhere.

"Hey," Oliver calls out, stepping onto the front porch. "You're early. The girls are out back by the pool."

Roy stands dumbly in front of Oliver. "We have a pool?"

Oliver laughs, a real laugh. "Come here, kid," he says, and opens his arms.

Roy falls into him and for the first time since he drove away from Starling City that night he lets himself relax, lets all the walls down. He cries a little too, and Oliver just holds him until it's over.

"Roy," Oliver says, the biggest smile on his face that Roy has ever seen. "Welcome home."


End file.
